Friday, March 24, 2006


I fear my insomnia is coming back which no surprise since I am feeling more and more depressed as the days go by.

This is due to many reasons I think. First, I haven’t had a teaching job since Tuesday and been hanging around the house trying to entertain myself wishing I was out there making money. The second is the fact that I don’t see that there is anything good on the horizon. While I was in NYC I got my first of three rejection notices for PhD programs (UCONN) and not really expecting any different from the others. Not sure what is happening with the fellowship I think I should find out something by the end of the month and I hate waiting.

It is looking like I am going to have to move back home beginning of May because my friend who I am living with now is moving into a new place with some other friends…I don’t want to move back home there is just nothing there for me in the way of friends or jobs, or anything besides family. Almost 28 years old and while my other friends are out working and/or starting families or whatever I am back at square one and overeducated.

I am slowly but surely putting weight back on although I am not sure why.I hardly eat anything. I physically feel like crap since I haven't been to the gym in many months.

Oh yeah, had to take the car to the dealership because the “check engine” light came on the other day so it is supposed to be fixed by tomorrow, although I bet tomorrow I get a phone call to come and sub…which would be my dumb luck.

There are very few things that are good in my life right now and I am struggling…again.
I would like to think that as we get older we become more able to deal with the things life throws at us, that our skins get tougher and we are able to better deal with things…ME I am just becoming numb and disillusioned to say the least.

Guess I should try again to go to sleep



Jenette said...

UC will take anyone, right? :) Just kidding. But don't give up hope just yet, ok?

Yeah, you're depressed. And that's said with a smile, as I completely and totally understand depression, kind of in the middle of it myself.

We have an extra room here. You can always move to Cincinnati and be our nanny :) teehee! :) Ethan'd be in heaven-- I just don't cut it in the playing department anymore. He wants to play with Daddy more and more. Sigh. Oh wait. This is your blog, your depression, your life. :):)

Keep your chin up.

Always Ashley said...

I can totally feel ya, man. Pretty much where you are, except subtract 5 years. No job, no sig-other, having to go back to school cuz I either have too much schooling or not enough. Uck. Keep your chin up, cuz UC is UC. lol