Monday, September 18, 2006

Motivation

I could write a whole blog post about how stressed I was last week, but I won't.

I am overweight. I feel it in my cloths, in my energy levels, and especially when I look in a mirror. I have never in my life been "skinny" or even underweight. All my life I have had to deal with my weight and I think that since I have had to deal with it so long it has negatively affected my self image and confidence level which has directly influenced other areas of my life. There have been times when I have had some success losing weight but once I do it seems I always get side tracked and put it back on. After much reflection I have found that there is a pattern to my losing weight and putting back on again.

When I started my senior year of college I weighed close to 300 lbs and I kind not. About a month and a half in the school year my roommate and friend at the time began blaming me for problems he was experiencing in his life. What started out as walking around campus in the evening to clear my thoughts and get out of the apartment so that I did not have to be around him and his moping, turned into a fulfledged daily workout. If I was not in class or studying I was either in the rec center working out on the nautilus equipment or outside if it was nice walking or jogging. There was also another reason that I was exercising, I wanted to be able to sleep at night. When I get even the slightest bit stressed out, I don't sleep very well and had bouts of insomnia that have lasted over months at a time. So by the time I graduated in May, I weighed about 220 and I felt and looked alright but was determined to continue to lose and maintain the progress I had made. Well after graduate school did not pan out I was working 2 part time jobs and going to the YMCA when I could but I gradually began to put the weight back on. This trend continued until the end of my second year of graduate school two years later.

So flash forward to the end of my second year of grad school, I was coming off of having my back surgury and it was obvious I was not going to be able to finish my Poli Sci MA in the 2 years because I had a whole sememter of work from when I was out having and recovering from the operation. On that heap of stress I began pursuing a relationship with a girl from my church Home Group which kicked me back into the same pattern of rollerblading everyday for 3 hours after work and a long visit from my friend INSOMNIA. I probably started the summer around 220 and was down to a nice 190lbs by the beginning of the semester. At this point I was in the gym working out with my friend who was an amauter boxer. I was feeling great about how I was looking. Well at the end of the year I thought I would be finishing my second masters and moving on to bigger and better things...which did not happen. I ended up back home working a crappy job and I was going to the YMCA again but I did not have that motivation that I had before. When I returned to WVU to finish my last semester I tried to go to the gym on a regular basis but was more focused on finishing my schooling. By Christmas I was getting back out of shape and not having access to the WVU rec center did not help even though. I tried walking or jogging but I hurt my knee again so I had to put the stop to that. when it got to be warm enough I started trying to get back into rollerblading but I was just so worn out by the end of the day since I was substitute teaching.

Since moving to NY I have tried walking during my lunch period and in the evening but again I am just worn out when I get home and just can't find the motivation to get up and do it. I have been toying with the idea of joining the local YMCA (short detour on the way home from work) but right now I am trying to watch expenses. I could justify it as I am taking preventative health steps ...especially with my back. I am working on finding a doctor so I can get a much needed physical and see where I am and need to be. I could also say I will save money in the long run because if I walk around the area where I live then I have to take a shower and my hot water is heated by gas and gas ain't cheap. By joining the YMCA I could shower there and not have to worry. My only worry is that I will not be motivated to go on a regular basis. I already watch my diet since I take my lunch to work and hate fast food.

I really need to do something.

-c

2 comments:

Craig said...

ditto!!!

Shawn said...

Two possible suggestions:
1. Let the teasing of your youth fester into a mental complex that drives you to obsess about your weight all the time. This is a good motivation for exercising and eating healthy foods.

or

2. Walk. We were healthier in CA despite the fact that we had more good options for eating out (and hence over eating). I still exercise, but it is nothing compared to exercising and doing a lot of walking on top of it. I walked the dog three times a day. We walked anytime we went out to eat. Frequently planned hikes. Plus I walked on campus all the time.

Both have worked for me.