Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Random Picture

Muir Woods: San Francisco, CA August 2004

Monday, January 23, 2006

World Domination 101

Many people talk about world domination while few have actual plans for achieving this goal. I am of the later group. I have a plan and there is a 95% chance that it would work.

The plan is based on the popular perception that the current electoral system is corrupt and unjust (and the fact that people are stupid and will vote for almost anyone). The plan would eventually let me go on to rule the whole world would begin with becoming governor of California. First, after moving to California write and publish my manifesto and begin building my group of followers. I would then announce my candidacy for the governorship and say that if elected I would let the former governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, run the state. I would even give him part of my governor's pay. Granted, he's has been hugely unpopular, but the winner of the almost any election in California only gets 25% of the vote. If you add together the people who want to reelect him as governor and the people who will vote for someone they have seen in a movie divided by the ungodly number of people on the ballot it comes to at least 25%.

I could use and adapt the same strategy to run for the presidency. I'd promise that if I won, the incumbent at the time would be my chief of staff and I'd do whatever he told me to do. Voters would think, "That guy did what he said in California, and we'd like for him to have a second or even third another term, so what do we have to lose?" Then after I won, I'd move into the White House and immediately break every promise I made. People would whine and complain and the pundits on cable news would never shut up talking about the move but I would but I'd smooth it over by going on Jay Leno or David Letterman and use a joke, like "Hey, news flash, people: politicians lie! Duh!" The following day I would then declare total martial law over all territories formerly known as the United States of America and rename it something like "The Holy United Imperial Republic."

Then using the significant portion of the U.S. Armed Forces that had sworn its loyalty to me I would end the years of bipartisan inaction and gridlock with The Age of the Great Cleansing Fire. The culmination would be the burning of the Constitution, the dissolution of Congress, the establishment of "re-education" camps in WV, and the systematic displaying of the heads of those who opposed me on iron pikes around in front of national monuments.

Then I'd would start a war by ordering the army to attack France, mostly to boost my popularity, but secondly to get more cheese for me and my friends. Second would be Switzerland (for the chocolate and the fact they are "neutral") then I would work my way East to Germany where I would stop for a beer before continuing to slowly take over the world.

I know it is a grandiose plan but I believe it will work, because you have to have dreams.


Thursday, January 19, 2006

The Lemming Syndrome


So I am such a lemming. First it was getting a Blog and now it is joining MySpace. This is how exciting my life is that I do these things I guess.

So if there is a group going to jump off a bridge just let me know and I will be there.

Oh yeah, you can checkout my MySpace by clicking on the link.


Sunday, January 15, 2006

I Have Issues

I have issues...Thousands of them...Over the years I have invested and acquired many issues...Oversized, regular and mini issues and they are bagged boarded and alphabetized in boxes.

that's right I collect comicbooks.

One thing I have learned from reading and collecting comics is that at anytime I can be in an accident and possibly walk away with some type of superpower. I am sure that everyone at some point in their life wished they had superpowers. We all want to see through things orto be able to crush cars with our bare hands. Why? Who knows. But once you had a few crushed cars lying around your yard, you can bet you'd come up with a use for them. Super powers are why astronauts do what they do, I'm sure of it. Out in the zero gravity of space I bet you feel superhuman.

"Look, I can lift this twelve ton satellite...with my pinkie!"

Anyway, it would be my luck that I would get some type of superpower that was really lame like the ability to add numbers in my head really quick or have enhnaced senses that only told me when items have gone bad in the fridge.


Monday, January 02, 2006

Resolutions 2006

2006 Resolutions
-Fulfill community service requirement by helping OJ in his continuing search to find the real killers.
-Fess up that I am single handily responsible for everything bad with any group I am apart of.
-Lose 15 lbs... and keep it off.
-Start training to win Gold medal in 2008 Winter Olympics Curling event
-Eat more brains... er… bran.
-Really start ragging on crappy movies that are made
-Drink 5...no 6 glasses of Strawberry milk a day
-Finish Helipad
-Continue to alienate females by using words like "Babe", "Chic", "chumpette" and 'tomato".
-2 words: Courtesy flush

Reading List of 2006
-Baudolino - Umberto Eco (currently reading)
-Gospel According to Tolkien-Ralph Wood
-Team of Rivals - Doris Kerns Goodwin
-Harry Potter Series
-Brief History of Time - Stephen Hawking
-The World is Flat - Thomas Freidman
-1776 - David McCullough

This year...Jazz

We'll see how I do