For the past 13 years I have been a hack and apologist for the Republican Party. If you could see my head it would be hanging in shame. Over the past year or so I have come to the conclusion that all politicians, both Republicans and Democrats), are merely self serving, uninspiring, clods who waste both the taxpayers time and money as they pursue their selfish ends. The other day I was going through some old papers I wrote during my Political Science Masters program and it struck me how much I let my political leanings a the time influence my interpretation of the material I was reading. I am surprised I even received some of the grades I did on certain papers it was so bad.
I was discussing the so called "candidates" that are running for President this year th other day at the gym and we agreed that whomever wins this year, the country loses. Now I did vote in the primary this year...for Ron Paul, only because he was the least detestable candidate for the party nomination (yes I am registared as a Republican but only in name anymore).
None of the current candidates really are at all appealing to me.
For Example:
John McCain:
The Republican party is in a sad state when this guy is able to win the nomination. When I think of McCain I think of both Star Wars and a beaver (stay with me on this one.)
McCain reminds me of Darth Vader except older and a lot more bitter. Close your eyes and imagine McCain in the Vader suit with his helmet off, whispering "I am your father, Luke." On one hand, this might be good for national defense and the war on terrorism to have Darth Vader at the helm. But on the other hand, Darth tried to kill his own teenage son, who went on to star in some very bad movies. I think it sends a mixed signal about family values.
notice the eerie likeness...
McCain also reminds me of a huge, angry beaver: industrious, yet rodential. I imagine myself sitting in a log cabin, looking out the window and seeing him just sitting on my lawn waiting while he scowls and licking his lips. I know I need to go to work, yet I am afraid that when I get home the house will be gone and probably floating down the river nearby. In order to prevent this I recommend building a large metal fence around McCain's "Straight Talk" tour bus just to protect him from the rest of the country.
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Hillary Clinton:
First off there needs to be and end to the vicious cycle (Bush-Clinton-Bush) that the country has gotten itself into over the past two decades. It is like the country is an abused person who keeps coming back hoping that this time it will be better.
Hillary Clinton reminds me of Dr. Suess's Grinch
I shudder everytime I see her and think that there is a slight possibility that she could be the leader of the free world. I am not against strong women and believe that eventually we will have a women President I just hope it is not her. Hillary reminds me of the old time snake oil sellers or used car salesman as a more updated reference. Hillary's big thing (again) is the BIG GOVERNMENT HEALTHCARE proposal. Everybody knows that the average voter is an idiot, but Hillary is actually DOING something about it: Experts agree that the proposal would most likely raise taxes on the middle class, but the idiot-infested middle class supports the idea because they don't pay attention too closely and they think they will be able to walk into the hospital and get serviced like a car. You have to love a candidate who isn't afraid to treat the whole thing as an investment.
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Barak Obama
The new kid on the block. Not much is really known about him since he does not have that much experience in politics on the national level. Obama reminds me of E.T. the Extra Terrestrial (one of my favorite movies of all time). He's lovable, that's for sure. But I'll never forgive him for making me cry uncontrollably as a kid when I thought the little guy was dead. It's hard to enjoy a movie when your head is puffed up like Ted Kennedy after an all kegger. Obama currently holds a small lead in the race for the nomination but who nows with the primaries still to come but ET fooled us too.
Not knowing that much about Obama and his lack of experience it scares me. He is almost like a cross between Mister Rogers and Alfred E. Newman. He seems like a nice guy who has it all together, but I have this nagging feeling that all is not right and every other morning or so he puts his underwear on backwards, calls his wife in to show her that "OOPS...I Did it again" and then they both laugh hysterically for an hour or so at the fact that he's trying to become the leader of the free world.
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I wish there was there was the option of "none of the Above" on the ballot as a way to show that there is NO CONFIDENCE in any of the candidates running. At this point I don't know who I am going to vote for in November. I might take Lewis Black's advice and vote for Santa Claus. I mean Christmas is apparently the lynch pin in the U.S. Economy since Christmas seems to becoming earlier and earlier each year. I also agree that electing Santa Claus as President would show terrorists we are crazier than they are. Although President Claus would only be allowed to use his well known phrases and laugh when giving a speech or meeting with other world leaders.
-c
